Luisa Soto
Journalism I – 5th
11/12/2014
Junior Jim stack’s is denied request from principal Tonya King to grow his hair for Locks of Love. Monday he will go to the school board to see if they will vote yes or no.
The dress code says hair must be no longer than collar length and must be natural color. Thus Stack’s cannot grow his hair because of the requirement for Locks of Love only taking hair length of ten inches or more. “I don’t see what the big deal is anyways. Girls have long hair, and no one is distracted. Rules are meant to be broken, and this is a very good reason to break one,”said the student council President, Gilbert Castillo.
“He could have fundraiser and donate the money to the organization,”said Tonya King [principal]. “Many people donate money. Not many donate hair.”Which is why I want to help,” said Stacks in response to Tonya King.
Locks of Love organization donates wigs to families that can’t afford them but lately they’ve been getting about 200 requests and can only help about 50 of those 200. Therefore “The best way i could help would be to grow my hair long and donate it,” said Stack.
”I don’t know how many teenagers today would put so much time and effort into helping someone else,“ said Holly Stack [Jim’s Stack’s mother] to how dedicated Stack’s was to him growing his hair.
“They will grow their hair out too,“said the student council who wrote a letter in support of Stack. It states that 350 students support of Stack’s and attached to that is a paper that was signed by 150 students, seventy-eight were males.
We got in touch with the school board president Bill Valdez, we asked him how he felt going into a meeting on Monday he had no comment but is excited for the meeting this next upcoming Monday.
While it’s only Thursday we are all anxiously waiting for the hearing Monday.
November 14, 2014 at 6:33 pm
Good Things:
1. You chose valuable quotes to the story.
2. You included both sides to an extent.
3. You include most everything pertinent to the article.
Not-So-Good Things(Things to Fix):
1. You’re grammatically incorrect all over (i.e. Fragments, Run-ons, etc.)
2. You’re biased in you’re transitions and including your opinions.
3. You included many helping verbs in your transitions and leads.
November 14, 2014 at 6:35 pm
Good Things:
1. You chose valuable quotes to the story.
2. You included both sides to an extent.
3. You include most everything pertinent to the article.
Not-So-Good Things(Things to Fix):
1. You’re grammatically incorrect all over (i.e. Fragments, Run-ons, etc.)
2. You’re biased in you’re transitions and including your opinions.
3. You included many helping verbs in your transitions and leads.
November 14, 2014 at 6:38 pm
-Negative Feedback-
=Jim Stack doesn’t go to the school board on Monday, the school board is voting on Monday.
=Run~on sentences.
=Sentences need more structure.
+Positive Feedback+
=Good quotes.
=Good way to end the article.
=Good paragraph structure.
November 14, 2014 at 6:48 pm
Good:
1. Your quotes and transitions flowed together really well.
2. Lots of additional facts that helped your article.
3. I would know what the story was about if I didn’t know the topic.
Needs Improvement:
1. Make sure you have punctuation in the right spots! Some of your sentences never ended and ran straight into the other.
2. Your lead needs to be more precise and clean.
3. Your transitions come AFTER your quotes. Not before or in between. First sentence of story should be a quote, not an explanation/transition of that quote.
November 18, 2014 at 7:27 pm
Junior Jim stack’s is denied request from principal Tonya King to grow his hair for Locks of Love. Monday he will go to the school board to see if they will vote yes or no.
LOOK AT SSMITH1.WONECKS.NET OR MPLYLER.WONECKS.NET TO SEE SOME EXAMPLES OF LEADS AND THE FORMAT OF A STORY. THEN, REWRITE.
The dress code says hair must be no longer than collar length and must be natural color. Thus NO THUS Stack’s JUST STACK cannot grow his hair because of the requirement for Locks of Love only taking hair length of ten inches or more. But the student council President, Gilbert Castillo says, “I don’t see what the big deal is anyways. Girls have long hair, and no one is distracted. Rules are meant to be broken, and this is a very good reason to break one.”
Tonya King [principal] says “He could have fundraiser and donate the money to the organization.” But Stack’s says, “Many people donate money. Not many donate hair.”Which is why he wants to help.
Locks of Love organization donates wigs to families that can’t afford them but lately they’ve been getting about 200 requests and can only help about 50 of those 200. Therefore “The best way i could help would be to grow my hair long and donate it,” Stack said.
Stack’s dedication to this is great.”I don’t know how many teenagers today would put so much time and effort into helping someone else,“ says Holly Stack [Jim’s Stack’s mother].
Even the student council wrote a letter in support of Stack. It states that 350 students support Stack’s and attached to is a paper that was signed by 150 students, seventy-eight were males saying ”they will grow their hair out too“
We got in touch with the school board president Bill Valdez, we asked him how he felt going into a meeting on Monday he had no comment but is excited for the meeting this next upcoming Monday.
While it’s only Thursday we are all anxiously waiting for the hearing Monday.